Healing I have realised is not linear nor pretty, it is cyclical and messy with high and lows, snot and tears.

I began my journey to health and wellness a caregiver. Caring for others has always been nourishing and fulfilling to me. As a child I spent most of my time caring for my beloved pets and the wild animals in my garden. My mum faced complex mental health challenges and as I got older, I naturally took on a caring role for her too. Caring for my mum, I saw first-hand the flaws of the mental health system and its negative impact of merely diagnosing women with disorders and addressing their symptoms with medication whilst denying their underlying trauma.  

Following a challenging adolescence, I enrolled at college to study for my level 3 IIHHT diploma in holistic therapies. It was all a bit if a whim really, I had never even heard the word 'holistic' before. Whilst training in beauty therapy I had enjoyed the introduction to anatomy and physiology and the practical sessions, but I knew I didn’t want to be a beautician. The diploma in holistic therapies, I was told would build upon my knowledge and skills and give me the qualifications I needed to go to university to pursue a career in the helping professions and so I thought I may as well give it go. 

OMG it was amazing! I’ll never forget my first lung full of rose out the little brown bottle, her sweet warmth filled my heart and soothed the sadness in my bones. She took me home. I felt held. I felt safe. I felt loved. I was mesmerised. Each essence touched me in its own unique way, reaching parts of me I didn’t know existed.  My mind boggled as I learned how our whole body is mapped on our feet and my mind quietened as I practised giving and receiving treatments. It was bliss. 

After I qualified, I began providing massage, aromatherapy and reflexology treatments to clients, predominantly treating aches and pains. Back then, I was not ready to become a full-time holistic therapist. There was still so much about the body I wanted to understand, still so much that was wrong with my body that I wanted to understand and I believed that further academic study was the best way forward. Learning about the therapeutic properties of plants had piqued my interest in nutrition, something that I had already been exploring as way of managing my IBS symptoms and migraines. Running and yoga were my go tools for stress management. So, I went to university to study health and nutrition with sports science.

During this time, I married the love of my life and was raising my beautiful children. I was devoted to being the best mum I could be. I feared generational patterns repeating themselves. I focused my studies on children which also led to work in schools supporting children with social, emotional and behavioural challenges. From there, I deepened my understanding of early childhood development, I gained certifications in developmental movement, the psychodynamic approach, attachment theory and social psychology. I ran nurture groups and movement classes. I worked holistically with children supporting them to regulate their nervous systems and I trained other staff to develop a trauma-informed approach. My work was rewarding but also extremely demanding. The school system I realised was not designed to meet the complex individual needs of the children I was working with. I was trying too hard to be the best I could for everyone. I was exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I burnt out. My cup was dry, I had nothing left to give. Balancing giving to others with self-care has become part of my healing journey.

Recovering from burn out, I realised, is a long slow process. Tearfully walking away from the stresses involved with working within the school system, to set up a natural cleaning business helped a little. It gave me a bit of breathing space and time to myself. It allowed me to be in a more peaceful environment day to day and I enjoyed the physical labour. As I worked, I inhaled the healing essential oils in my homemade cleaning products and nourished my mind with hour upon hour of self-help audios and podcasts. I further studied psychology, neuroscience, anxiety and depression. I listened to other women’s stories and reflected upon my own. I got curious about spirituality and began exploring astrology. 

However, regardless of all that I had come to know and understand I was still discombobulated and disconnected from my bod and being alone with my thoughts all day without the distraction of meeting the needs of others was becoming more and more excruciating. In 2019, my appendix ruptured. It was as if my body could no longer hold on to all the shit it had been carrying for the longest time. At the time having lived with IBS and endometriosis since childhood I was accustomed to abdominal pain. I had become so dissociated my body and dismissive of its cries that even with a ruptured appendix I continued to push myself through the pain. Most days I still went to work and cleaned houses. I did go to the doctors and even to the hospital, but they too dismissed my pain and misdiagnosed my ruptured appendix as an ovarian cyst. Eventually, weeks later, after developing pelvic sepsis I had emergency open abdominal surgery. Learning how under researched women’s health is and how as a result under educated and ill-equipped medical professionals are to deal with women’s pain and treat common conditions became another part of my healing journey. 

Recovering from surgery was an even longer, slower process than recovering from the initial burnout. Abdominal adhesions and scarring from the surgery further aggravated my endometriosis. The next couple of years I suffered with chronic debilitating pelvic pain. Further surgery was high risk and so my best option was a medically induced menopause complete with all the side effects. I was broken and western medicine had no cure. Yet, there was a part of me that knew that this was not my whole story and that there had to be another way. 

I could no longer use my body to escape my mind or my foggy mind to escape my body. So, I let go of trying. I breathed deeply. I stopped giving a fuck. I grieved and I raged. I spent time in nature. I learned how to love the grey days and rainy days. I remembered how to be on the dark side of the moon. I lay on the grass and bathed in the sun. I literally, smelt the roses. I practised aromatherapy, reflexology and energy medicine on myself. I sought help from organisations that had a holistic approach to healing, I worked with survivors in transition and Suffolk rape crisis, I connected with and healed alongside other women. I read Bessel Van De Kolk, Peter Levine and Gabor Mate, I further deepened my understanding of the nervous system, trauma and somatic healing. I began rewiring my brain and rewilding my heart. I took my awareness of the interconnectedness of mind body and spirit to a whole new level. 

I deepened my practise of astrology, and I found human design. It enabled me to understand myself in a way that I could never have imagined before. I could see my soul’s purpose through my pain and how I can allow myself to be guided by my body towards greater joy, purpose and fulfilment. I studied the creation of patriarchy and began exploring herstory, feminine archetypes and sacred sexuality. I can see how I had been conditioned by society to disconnect from my body and its innate wisdom. 

I stopped surviving and began thriving. 

My mission now is to support other women to heal and lead a joyful, purposeful life that is as unique to you as your energetic blueprint. I invite you to share your story with me and together we will plan each session to meet your needs. Whether that’s the full hour on the couch in deep relaxation inhaling therapeutic essential oils as I work intuitively with your physical energetic and emotional body (which is often where it begins), exploring somatic self-care practises, a human design reading or a mixture of all three, it’s your time, you choice. You can come as you are, bring your memories, your joys, your sorrows and your traumas, it’s all welcome here.

I look forward to working with you. 

PS you already have everything you need inside of you.